Live Show Recap "Faith Unseen" & "You Hold My Path"

The last few live painting shows have been great. Different people have come each time and it has been a great way to have interesting conversations and allow people to be a part of the creative process.

I find it very powerful when someone when will spend an hour of their evening to watch you create a part of their story.

 It is difficult to be satisfied with the end result of a 1 hour painting. I try to see it as a long conversation with someone. Just one person in the crowd that I am speaking to. I try to push aside all of the insecurities or desire to try to impress, but make a connection with someone and speak to them in some way. Whether that is addressing something of their past or where they are going, I want to help people to see themselves in my paintings. 

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Here is the painting of a digital illustration I did a while back. It is called "Faith Unseen". I began painting the ledge of where the tree and man would be standing on. I put a briefcase on the group depicting how we carry our baggage around with us. That might be bad or good things that we hold on to, but I wanted to show the act of leaving all that we carry behind us.

We have been called to take a leap of faith not knowing what is ahead of us. And be willing to give up everything we have.

I'm not saying to leap to our death, but knowing that we are being carried by something else. I personally believe that God uses the struggles in our lives or the blessings to be used as a guidance towards him. When you leave your luggage behind, it is then used to help guide and carry us forward in life. Are we going to stay rooted with the tree or are we going to take the plunge?

You Hold My Path

I've always day dreamed about sitting up in the stars. I think about walking on the stars when my time here on earth is up. I see myself being held in my creators hands and being welcomed into eternity. Who holds your path? I have faith that Jesus holds the path to life after our short time here on earth. You might not believe that is the story of life, but I want you to know that the things I create are simply a reaction to what has gripped me. I am held by these hands. Sometimes I don't feel like I am and I feel like I am falling into know where. So I named this piece, "You Hold My Path". 

I even had some kiddos help me paint some of the stars! They were really into the painting and music and I saw myself in them when I was young. I remember having old artists taking me under their wing and letting me be a part. Hopefully in the near future I will be able to do art lessons or mentor someone. We will see!

Thanks for taking the time to read my blog post and follow along this journey with me. It has been such a learning experience doing this live paintings and I feel like it's different every night! If you ever want to come see my paint I put showtimes on the front page of the website. I would love to know your thoughts and feedback!

"He Loves Me" - Story

He loves me... He loves me not... He loves me... He loves me not...

We go back and forth in our lives feeling like we are on top of the world or see it crashing down upon us. We get that promotion and feel satisfied and deserving. We get in a car wreck and feel like it is the worst timing and undeserving. We contract infections and diseases and have many surgeries. We have someone we love and lose them for it was never meant to be. We have family that pass on and we never got to say goodbye early. We pluck the petals, back and forth we let our thoughts and emotions be dictated by what we see. If we run out of petals then we give up. We don't think we are loved. Our abuse was because of You and you don't love us. Why did you take her away from me? Why do I have to be sick for so long? What did I do to deserve this? The boat dock I am sitting on begins to shift and pieces fly away.

All flesh is like grass and all its glory like the flower of grass. The grass withers, and the flower falls. - 1 Peter 1:24

For what good does it help us if we determine our well being by the short time we are here? It is but temporary. When we are plucking away saying, "He loves me, He loves me not, He loves me, He loves me not", where does that get us?


Yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. - James 4:14

The petals I keep plucking are about to run out. I sit and wait. Wondering if I'm going to be ok. I go back and forth ready to fly away but still wanting to stay.

Last one, "He loves me."

The woman that bought this art piece asked me what it was about. This woman had been sick and her body was very frail. She said that she saw herself in the little girl. When I told her that it was about "He loves me, he loves me not" she instantly connected with it and with tears said to me, "I am going to be O.K."

Live Show Recap 1-11-15

Sorry you had to miss out on this amazing show, but incase you did here is what happened. We had two videographers recording the evening and TJ recorded audio for one of his songs that we will be using for a promotional video. In the video we will also be explaining our vision and what we are doing at Mama Carmen's.

Here are some pictures attached of the painting and setup. It was a 10 song set that took about an hour. I kept painting for another 20 minutes after the music stopped and everyone there were mingling. Very laid back with different people walking up and talking about the painting. I will hopefully start a new charcoal piece up on the wall Wednesday and we will be painting/playing music every Friday of this month.

A few things that I am going to work on this week:
– Make a sign with time and day of the week we will be playing stand up next to the stage to give people a heads up.
– Write up stories for each art piece that will be showing at the gallery and our vision for the space so people can read it. Also thinking of having pictures of us with it.
– Finish content for MC website page for us.
– Plan for art pieces on Wednesday and Friday.
– Send out Newsletter on Wednesday with story of the piece from the previous show.
– Make something that people can take home of them to remind them of their experience.
– Get prints framed to rotate artwork.

I would love to hear any input or questions you all have! If you want to get exclusive updates and showtimes then you can sign up for my Newsletter here:

"Traditional State" - Story

"Transitional State" depicts the life journey we are on. It is a moment in time capturing a child walking on a path of life. This path opens up into a source of light. The narrow gap. Filled with hopes and dreams and requests we throw up to the stars, we hope that our creator changes our hearts and opens our eyes to find him.

…And He called a child to Himself and set him before them, and said, “Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven. “Whoever then humbles himself as this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.… Matthew 18:2-4
Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it. “For the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are few who find it. Matthew 7:13-14
Seeking
Come to me.
Make me a child.
Help me see you Father.
You are the Light.
Show your truth.
I need you Daddy.
Let me hear you.
Help me choose you.
Open the gate to my heart.

Here is the timelapse video of the piece being made. I would love to hear what you think.

If you are interested in buying  a print you can get one on my store.

Use What You Have

Freshman year of college my Drawing I teacher told our class to go to Home Depot/Lowe's and buy some pre-rolled linoleum flooring. Our assignment was to draw a portrait of a famous figure. At the time I was into the Godfather movies and I wanted to do a big portrait piece of Don Corleone. So I went a purchased a 9x12 piece of flooring and we nailed them up against the walls in our studio. The back surface is similar to a paper texture and it reacts pretty well with the charcoal we were using. Below are some images of the process of my first piece and how my work has evolved over the past six years.

Yes.... I was a goober in college.

We didn't prep the canvas at all and the gray tone of the texture worked well with the strong blacks. Once you started putting down a lot of the charcoal the gray looks white because of the contrast.

As time went by I fell more and more in love with this process of drawing large scale charcoal portraits. I didn't have money to buy many supplies, but doing these pieces allowed me to use only a big block of charcoal and the flooring. I used what I had.

Do you have a website with your work? I love that large charcoal one... Can you do a show here with that kind of work?

That's how it all began. A gallery owner in Little Rock asked me if I was an artist. I somehow managed to have a basic portfolio online of the classwork that I was doing. The only piece that stood out to him was this piece. I walk away signing a contract and have my first art show that year. My first series of work I had to use a simple framing system because I couldn't afford to have professional moulding. I would clamp the top of the piece with two aluminum bars and build a back frame with L brackets of aluminum pieces. I would then attach heavy duty velcro to the back of the piece to the frame. It was simple, light, and could easily be taken apart. I owe most of the credit to my Dad who has been an amazing help with figuring out how to use the most cost effective way. I ended up selling every piece from my first art show. It was a humbling experience. I had no clue what I was doing, but I was doing it.

By the time of my third solo show. I had developed different methods of making my own frames. My father and I came up with a way to order some floating moulding from a company in Dallas and build the frames ourselves. We would drill masonite to the inside of the moulding and would still velcro the pieces into the frames. A big change I started doing a few years into doing these pieces was to start gessoing the surface to create a more contrasted feel and the charcoal would move around better with the smoother surface.

You never know when someone will take notice of what you are already doing.

Whatever is around you or in your budget, use it. Make the most of those things. You never know when someone will take notice of what you are already doing. Some of what I used six years ago I still use today. My process is still evolving and I am still learning new ways to express myself. Let me know if this encouraged you at all, I would love to hear from you!

"Faith Unseen" - Story

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. -Proverbs 3:5-6

You bring your plans and your passions with you. Your hurts and your struggles. Giving it all away to let the Lord guide you. He uses what you give back to him and asks you to take the jump. As the pressure and weight of what you hold on to lets loose, the spirit draws you closer and closer in. Jesus wants us to live a life of remembrance of what he has done and blind obedience to what he is going to do. He is the one who uses our baggage, good or bad, to comfort and guide us towards him.

You are leaning forward to a new year... Are you ready to take the leap of faith?

If you would like this reminder in your home you can get a print in my store or the link below.

Charles and Molly's Story

I met Charles about three years ago when I stepped into their home off of School St. for a bible study. I went with a few friends that would bring some food and meet with a mix of people from South Church at Lifesource and a few other friends from New Heights. Some of these folks didn't have jobs and living off of food stamps and others were architects. I wouldn't say it was the cleanest of places and there were dogs running around everywhere. A bit messy and unorganized to hold a bible study, but it worked. Charles was happy to have people in his home and saw it as a service to have people talk about God and read the bible in his home. His wife, Molly, at first was usually not interested in participating in the bible study and their son, Little Charles, was always making some kind of noise or distraction from doing anything. However, after a period of time many people's hearts were softened in that home. I have kept my relationship with this family as I regularly see them at South Church and sometimes throughout the week.

Looking back, I've seen a big transformation in Molly's life. She would share some interesting remarks towards those that would come around the house but now she always wants a hug from me and asks me to pray for her family. I often see her tear up about different hardships going on and sees me as a good friend. Little Charles is probably the craziest kid I've ever seen. But I love him. Many people in this community have seen him around South Church or other after school programs and would agree with me with his free spirit. He isn't afraid to ask questions and get people's attention. I could see him having a huge impact in his community when he grows up if he makes the right decisions and hangs out with the right crowd.

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The video above was taken two years ago when I was still getting to know the Troy family. Here is a biker jacket that Charles got me to match Little Charles.

Charles and Molly live a little bit different lifestyles than me and are in a different season of life. I am not the one to know all the answers or know what's best for their family. I can't fix their current life situations, but I can love them and be their friend. I can talk about Jesus and why I live my life the way I do. I can help them out every once in a while and give Charles a tow for his broken down car, or bring them some potatoes and eggs to eat, or take him to church and take him out to eat every once in a while. They have done a lot for me and have opened up their home to me. One of the funny things that Charles does all the time is call me to see what I'm up to. He usually calls when I'm at work or it's too late but he always leaves a voicemail. I recorded just a small number of them and wanted to share them.

I remember taking to Charles to IHOP a few times to get some pancakes. I look almost the complete opposite of Charles. We always get weird looks when we go eat together. People can't tell if he is my grandfather or some person that has been living outside. I once had some older women sitting at the table next to us tell me, "God bless you for doing this." when Charles went to the restroom. I didn't really know what to say because at this point it was just two friends going to get something to eat. I almost felt offended that I would be seen as extra loving or spiritual that I would grab some food with a friend. I guess it isn't normal to spend time with people that don't look like you.

Charles has told me that he would do anything for me. He tells me how much he loves me all the time. I am grateful for his friendship and he has made a an impact on my life in way that shows me that I don't have to love people that just look like me or act like me. He sometimes asks for help with different things, and he's ok if I say no. I love him and his family.

I did a charcoal portrait of Charles because I want to share his story with others. Someone that has loved me well and has been a good friend.

Little Charles said his Dad looked like Jesus! I got a good laugh. If you would like to see more stories or find something valuable in Charle's story then please share. Thanks for taking the time to look.

"Open Door" - Story

Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.… Matthew 7:7-8

Doors can symbolize so many things and for me that usually means a new season of life or transition. I'm sure many of you have heard of the saying, "when a door closes another opens." I know that even if we see an open door there is still a long journey ahead. There may be mountains that we have to climb or water that we are called to walk on. We are called have faith that those doors were opened for a reason and we must seek to find beauty in the unknown and to not live in fear.

I just got engaged this last Friday, and started an art gallery at Mama Carmen's two weeks ago. These are two open doors that have been opened to me and I am learning to walk by faith through them. I don't know what the future holds. The mountains I will have to climb. The waters that I will walk across. Regardless of how long the blessings I've received on earth last, I know that I have been given an open door to life through Jesus. And that is enough.

If you are interested in having this piece in your home I am giving away a print before the end of the year. To be eligible you can sign up for my newsletter, post the image below on your instagram, and tag the photo #samuelgrayart. I will choose a random winner by verifying the #samuelgrayart tags on instagram and ship the 20x20" for free! My username on instagram is @samiswell.

Be on the lookout for two more prints that I am giving away before the year is over!

If you want to buy a print of "Open Door" you can do so here:

 

 

 

So What Do I Do?

If you're reading this you have somehow stumbled upon my blog through a Facebook post, Twitter tweet, Instagram photo, Mama Carmen's gallery, or through my mom. 

You might know me as a charcoal portrait artist through the different non-profit fundraisers I've made pieces for or the art galleries that I've been represented by. A digital illustrator through my Instagram posts. Or a live painter from seeing me paint at conferences , weddings, New Heights Church, and Mama Carmen's.

That doesn't include the travel and wedding photography that I've done, and the graphic design day job that I have at a t-shirt company. 

It's sometimes hard for me to explain what I do when people ask me, "So, what do you do?" Well, I do lots of things, but I would say I'm a visual artist. I create visual images that have a story behind them. The kind of work that I do is either work that I make to share something that is meaningful to me or sharing someone else's story.

I wanted to write this blog post to process all of these creative rolls and what direction I need to focus on. Lately I have been realizing that I have been spreading myself very thin with all of my different passions.  I feel like I am able to keep up with these different passions but they are just "good" and not "great". That means I will have to say "no" to taking pictures for a friend's wedding, or doing that logo for this new startup company, etc. 

Two of the things that I want to keep doing is Live Painting, Charcoal drawings, and digital illustrations. 

 

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In Unity - Live Painting

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Charles - Charcoal Drawing

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Open Door - Digital Illustration

 

My main focus right now is to let people know and understand "What" I do before of the "Why". I will be writing another post on why I make all of this art and the meaning I believe it has. 

Since I've helped start this art gallery/music venue at Mama Carmen's, I am finding it difficult to hone in on one or two "Whats" so people can later understand "Why" I am making all this art. I want people to be able to hold on to something and believe in. To not be thrown into a box, but to not confuse people and help stories be told in a clear light. Not that many people will want to support a cause without seeing a clear need or find value in it.

What do you think I can do to explain what I do better? What do you think makes the most impact? I'd really like to know because I don't know at this point in my art career. 

I Forgive

When I'm preparing to do a painting sometimes I don't know what I am going to do until it's crunch time. Well, last night was crunch time for me. I have had many things going on and Sunday service was one of those things. We already had a few lunch meetings prior to this service. Some of the things we discussed was the process of forgiveness and what does it look like visually. How can we help encourage people to forgive the acts that others have done against them or their loved ones. What can we do as a church body help move people in the right direction? Forgiveness, for me, is a repetitive act. Something that I choose to do. Some days its easy for me to forgive and others its almost impossible to not want to smash someones face in. I am the type of person that will take the punches for as long as I can until I feel like an erupting volcano.

I started by priming the canvas black because I wanted to be able to write white words on the canvas. As I was in my garage at around 12am I was hit with the thought of doing a dialogue with God on the canvas. It's o.k. to ask questions to God, but when we let those unanswered questions the reason we don't forgive it creates a bitterness that pushes us away from the love that Christ offers on the cross. We forgive because we have been forgiven. We love because he first loved us. The chains of bitterness is what holds us back from ever having freedom from our past. The people that have hurt us, rejected us, taken advantage of us, aren't the ones that are holding us back from having a loving relationship with Jesus. It is ourselves. The enemy can't make us suffer for eternity. Now, I can't even begin to relate to what some of you have had to endure and the suffering that you have been through. But that is why Christ came as a man to suffer the ultimate price to make a way through this dark mess of a world. 

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As I got up on stage I felt heavy and was praying that the Holy Spirit would break the chains of bitterness today. I think that happened. I began painting words such as, "Why Me?" "I will never let go." "How could you do that?" "You owe me." And painted chains next to them. I then began the process of making the choice of forgiveness. I painted white over the questions that we hold on to and flipped the canvas to write out over and over different things that we have to forgive. Our parents, our brothers and sisters, our teachers, our coaches, the church, our enemies, or coworkers, our wives, our husbands, etc. this is what leads us to waking up each day and saying, "I Forgive." 

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It was an interesting process for me because I just used one canvas for both services. I painted over the original words of forgiveness in an act for myself to come back to those things and forgive them over and over and over again. They only lasted for minutes and again I had to do it all over again. Just as I will have to do tomorrow and the next day.

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If you are reading this and you haven't forgiven something or someone I hope that you ask God to help you forgive. "I believe, help my unbelief." "Teach me to pray for I don't know how to pray." We have to constantly reach out and ask for the strength to forgive. We have to make that choice. If you ever want to talk about something I am open to messages. I am no professional or coun elder but I hope that this image and the thought behind it can help you with unforgiveness.

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Taking Stage

So it happened. We started creating art and music live at Mama Carmen's last night for the first time. My nerves were jittery and I was excited to just make something. So happy to be next to my friends TJ and Taylor. "We're doing it man." As we said to each other before TJ started playing. I listened to one song to just see how it was to be in the audience and then took stage to make a piece about walking through mountains and what leads us through them. A woman is on this path and there is a red ribbon wrapped around her that leads through the door and up and around the mountain. Attached to the ribbon are keys symbolizing that the blood of Christ opens doors through things that seem like mountains in our life. He is the gateway to life and we are called to follow him and walk with him. He is tightly wrapped around us and guides us through things that we can't imagine doing. I'm not the one to say that all things here on earth are possible, but eternal life that is forever lasting, far beyond the things of this earth is what we are given through Jesus.

Follow the red thread. It is the key to life.

We might feel like we are walking on an invisible path but he is the one who creates the bricks to walk on. I'll be honest, I don't always walk away from live paintings being very pleased with the painting itself, but try to see the message behind it. That's what I want to hone on the most, the story. Our story and how we fit into the painting. As an artist it's hard to explain what I want to say and only have an hour to express my message brings a lot of pressure and challenge. I am trying to embrace that challenge. To make a different in my community with my art and to do that with others around me. Having TJ doing this along side of me brings me so much peace knowing that I am not alone in this journey. God has placed people around me to help me where I am weak and together we are on this path with bricks being placed along the way. I hope that whoever reads this will see my passion in doing live art and I hope that you join the storytelling with us. We have big goals and dreams and we want to reach out to them every week when we get up on that stage. But our biggest goal and hope is to be with Christ and bring as many people as we can with us. If you weren't able to come out to the first Live Art music session we will be doing it weekly on Thursday or Friday nights. You can sign up to my newsletter to get updates and showing times. Thanks for spending the time to listen and read my thoughts. Here is a video from the show! We're doing it!

The Balancing Act

So I've been doing a lot lately. Working a full time job as a graphic designer at a screen print/tshirt company, painting at weddings and church, doing freelance design work, investing in pro-bono projects, speaking and showing my work at fundraisers, shooting pictures at weddings, painting a 30ft. mural, and preparing myself to start an art gallery at a coffee shop. Now I haven't been doing all of these things at once, but it has definitely felt that way. My mind dreams about so much that it's hard to focus on the now and what's in front of me. I've been learning to start saying yes to the greater things, not just good things. As I move forward into putting my work more in the spot light at this new art gallery (it will be at Mama Carmen's by the way) I will need to figure out how to not bite more than I can chew. I'm expecting to start painting live on Friday evenings and my friend will be playing music with me. I will need to plan out ahead of time of what work to put up on the walls and have it all scheduled out. That way I won't be stressing out as much week to week. I want to find a balance of doing what I'm best at really well and keep things simple. I realize that I am not going to be able to do all of the things I pointed out at the beginning of this post. I want sustainability and I want balance. I want to connect with people and have an influence on my community and not let me talents go to waste. I want to love my creator and the people around me. I don't want to do too much and get burnt out. I don't want to get caught up in my work and forget the purpose of why I am creating it. I don't want to forget what is most important in life. 

Forgotten Song's Gala Event

I want to invite you to come and hear stories at Forgotten Song's Gala Event this Thursday, December 4th at the Fayetteville Town Center from 6:30 - 9pm.

I will have pictures of some amazing people I met in Uganda this past May. There are some amazing stories of redemption and hope that I want to share with you. 

I hope to see you there!

You can get tickets here: https://forgottensong.webconnex.com/galatickets 

 

You are more than what you do.

It has been a struggle for me recently to really take the time to enjoy God and take a step back from all of the things I have been doing. Although it is a blessing to be able to have work, it's easy to let it be a distraction to what matters most. I have found that being in this busy head space has brought a lot more worry and anxiety into my life. I know that isn't healthy for me or those close by. I am thankful for community that reminds me there are seasons in life where you don't always have control over the external activities, and yet making internal space for God amidst the busyness is so important. You are more than what you do. I am loved by my creator and I realize that I have been given gifts to serve him, but I must also know Jesus. If you aren't finding spiritual rest like myself, then maybe writing this not only help remind me but spur you to be proactive in finding time in God's word and in prayer. Love you all, and thanks for loving me.

Sam

Scraping Away The Dirt On Ourselves And Others

We have to be willing to sit in the dirt with others and not give up at the tip of the surface. That is where the beauty is and freedom is found.

Imagine walking along and you see something that is jetting out of the ground. It is subtle and you could have easily missed it. It is dirty and blends in with the surroundings. Here you have a choice. Do you continue on or do you examine what it is? This is going to take getting dirty. Sitting in the dirt and scraping away the layers. Do you have time for that? Is that something you really want to do? But when you do actually get in the dirt and take the time to really dig and discover then you end of finding something that is so beautiful. You discover that it is not just a dirty edge of a rock but a giant geode. Full of color and bright. Complicated and stunning. 

No body does anything for no reason. We are always expressing ourselves even when we are trying not to.

I have found that people are that way. Everybody walks around carrying different things. Things that you could not tell from the surface. Whether they are things from their past or situations they are currently in. The surface may be so dirty or so uninteresting that they are overlooked. Someone's outward behavior may even be offensive or repulsive. And out of our own fear or lack of understanding we walk away before we truly understand. We give up too soon. I wonder how often I have missed out on someone because I did not understand or take the time to do so. 

No body does anything for no reason. We are always expressing ourselves even when we are trying not to. We all have our motivations whether they stem from fear or hurt or even self protection. All of our experiences affect the way we see the world and how we interpret the messages around us. We cake layer upon layer to cope and to hide and to not be seen. And it takes time to even understand why we do what we do. 

To understand people we need to take time. Lots of time. Time to sit with them and truly understand where they are coming from and why they do what they do. And I am confident that under every layer of dust and grime there is a treasure. Something beautiful and complex that has been hidden over time. If we stop at the surface we will miss out on the beauty. 

But first we have to be willing to dig within ourselves. To uncover the lies we have believed. To get past the coping mechanisms we have adopted. To understand our own griefs and wounds. To dive into our own pain because that is where healing begins. This is not an easy task and requires dedication and bravery. And yet someone who understands their pain will not be afraid to work along side others as they face their own pain. We have to dig so that we can dig deep with others. We have to be willing to sit in the dirt with others and not give up at the tip of the surface. That is where the beauty is and freedom is found. 

-written by Lauren Stuck

 

Billy

I met Billy at Lifesource a few years ago. Lifesource allows South Church to meet on Sunday evenings around 5pm. Food is served, worship music is played, and Jon Baker talks to whoever wants to listen. Out of all the people I have met there, no one has been like Billy. One day I find him in the back of the room and the worship team is playing a song and he is dancing and laughing and praising Jesus about every 10 seconds. Obviously I wonder why he is so happy. I mean, Jesus makes me happy, but not the kind of happy that makes me jump up and down and raise my hands all the time. I introduced myself to him and we quickly connected and he seemed to appreciate me listening to him some.

 

At first I would say I was more interested in his crazy personality than trying to connect to him on a personal level. Something I have learned spending time at South Church is how I view the "cast" system of our society. I thought that for me to be able to connect to someone that is poor, I would have to lower myself or step out of my comfort zone. For most of my life I have been more of an introvert. Coming into contact with someone like Billy has really helped me see how easy it is to share love to others. I remember taking him to Walmart one day and we are in the self checkout isle. He immediately turns around and boldly states to the woman next to him, "You are beautiful and don't let anyone tell you different!" I was pretty uncomfortable when he did that and I'm sure she was too. But I'm also sure that she might remember that someone told her she was beautiful for a long time. Billy shared with me that he had struggled with Meth addiction and was bi-polar. After I spent some time with him I one day said, "Billy, I think we are going to be spending a lot more time together soon." This was before I invited him to stay in my home for two weeks. For some reason I trusted him and he gave that trust right back at me. It's that weird feeling you get when you can look into someones eyes and they know you want what's best for them. Billy saw that and he saw God providing for him by bringing him into our home for two weeks. Every day he would wake up from the couch and be reading and reciting the word from his etched up Bible. I began to notice that even if he had some mental problems, I would say 90% of the things he would talk about all day was truth from scripture.

I didn't want to tell him to be quiet because of that. Another thing Billy would be free to do was to pray in the spirit. I hadn't really experienced the amount of charismatic prayer before. I grew up being anointed by oil when I was sick and my parents sometimes prayed in tongues. The way Billy prayed, crazy or not, he seemed to fully believe that he was talking directly to God and that he was worshiping. Now I know that here is this man, who is a drug attic with mental problems, and I am beginning ask if he is the crazy one or if I am? I believe that God put Billy in our home for two weeks because of the love that he gave and the way he worshiped. God demands our love and our worship. Billy did that, crazy or not.

Seeing the other side

I sometimes am overcome with nostalgia for my childhood days playing in the backyard with my little brother chunking crystal rocks onto the ground and finding the clear insides. Riding go karts around my house for my birthday. Scoring the winning bucket for my 5th grade basketball team. Winning state soccer and running on the field in a frenzy with all of my teammates. Getting pumped up before a football game and running out of the tunnel screaming as loud as I can. Those were the days. Not much to worry about, other than feeling accepted and a part of what was going on around me. I didn't care that I had a broken back, or have three surgeries in my shoulder. All I cared about was to get back into the game with my friends and playing video games. There were no dark seasons because I never had any real responsibilities. I've had my share of injuries and set backs in life. Inner ear disorders, e-coli infections, torn shoulders, and a broken back have happened at different times in my life and each have had a different impact on my life. It's easier to look past difficult times when you are younger. When I have an illness or an injury now it seems that I take two steps back in life. Like I'm never going to catch up. The past few years I had a season where I was bed ridden for more than six months. I don't have any nostalgia for anything other than sitting in a hot bath for two hours. This was only to help heal up the huge infections I had from an e-coli infection I got in Rwanda. It's interesting to think about how I would have responded if I was still in jr. high/high school if something like that happened to me. I would have probably just kept thinking about when I could get back into the playing field or be able to hang out with my friends. Except this most recent setback was really a time for me to see where God wanted me to be in my heart. I personally believe that he didn't cause my illness, but allowed it to be used to show me what was best for me. That was community, a church, and a new set of eyes on how I viewed the poor. These three things are what I prayed for when I was in this alone season. I struggled with feeling depressed, and felt alone. Without myself having full absence of these things, I don't think I would have sought deeper roots in my community, church, and the poor. I realized that God was moving me in the right direction. That he was patient with me. And he answered my prayers. I'm not saying that I have those things all figured out, but my life has looked very much different the past few years. I have a community that I seem to be connected to, a church that loves me, and relationships with the poor in my home. So if these words make any sense to you and you seem to be in a dry or dark season. I would take a perspective that God wants you to pray for the things that he knows are best for you. To ask that God would open your eyes to his love and what he can show you about your heart. Keep pushing through and see the other side.