Seeing the other side
I sometimes am overcome with nostalgia for my childhood days playing in the backyard with my little brother chunking crystal rocks onto the ground and finding the clear insides. Riding go karts around my house for my birthday. Scoring the winning bucket for my 5th grade basketball team. Winning state soccer and running on the field in a frenzy with all of my teammates. Getting pumped up before a football game and running out of the tunnel screaming as loud as I can. Those were the days. Not much to worry about, other than feeling accepted and a part of what was going on around me. I didn't care that I had a broken back, or have three surgeries in my shoulder. All I cared about was to get back into the game with my friends and playing video games. There were no dark seasons because I never had any real responsibilities. I've had my share of injuries and set backs in life. Inner ear disorders, e-coli infections, torn shoulders, and a broken back have happened at different times in my life and each have had a different impact on my life. It's easier to look past difficult times when you are younger. When I have an illness or an injury now it seems that I take two steps back in life. Like I'm never going to catch up. The past few years I had a season where I was bed ridden for more than six months. I don't have any nostalgia for anything other than sitting in a hot bath for two hours. This was only to help heal up the huge infections I had from an e-coli infection I got in Rwanda. It's interesting to think about how I would have responded if I was still in jr. high/high school if something like that happened to me. I would have probably just kept thinking about when I could get back into the playing field or be able to hang out with my friends. Except this most recent setback was really a time for me to see where God wanted me to be in my heart. I personally believe that he didn't cause my illness, but allowed it to be used to show me what was best for me. That was community, a church, and a new set of eyes on how I viewed the poor. These three things are what I prayed for when I was in this alone season. I struggled with feeling depressed, and felt alone. Without myself having full absence of these things, I don't think I would have sought deeper roots in my community, church, and the poor. I realized that God was moving me in the right direction. That he was patient with me. And he answered my prayers. I'm not saying that I have those things all figured out, but my life has looked very much different the past few years. I have a community that I seem to be connected to, a church that loves me, and relationships with the poor in my home. So if these words make any sense to you and you seem to be in a dry or dark season. I would take a perspective that God wants you to pray for the things that he knows are best for you. To ask that God would open your eyes to his love and what he can show you about your heart. Keep pushing through and see the other side.